Do people with poor self images end up in poor relationships? Is your marriage or common life mate lifting you up or tearing you down?
What happens is we end up settling for what’s right in front of us figuring that’s all we’ll get and too afraid there is nothing else out there. We live in a fear based mentality so people often grasp at whatever they can especially in relationships. What we don’t want to dwell on is how many folks end up in violent relationships thinking they that’s all they deserve or because they’re afraid to be alone. The real kicker is no one likes to be by themselves or we get caught up in the media or TV crap thinking we have mental problems if were alone, my goodness what will other people think. So you scramble for a person to be with no matter what difficulties it brings or how bad we ultimately feel. We do this under the guise that it’s better than nothing but if it makes you feel bad then how could it be better.

Having low esteem is like your constantly trying to validate yourself in some fashion by having another person in your life. However they should uplift you or at least create a zone that makes you comfortable because nothing is worse if your constantly on edge by monitoring everything you say or even think. If you have ever watch “War of the Roses” with Kathleen Turner & Michael Douglas  and how she is constantly criticized over everything she says it eventually turns into a battle. Many times in these situations it becomes a relationship of domination as one person leads continually and the other meekly follows. Ask yourself if none of your needs are being met what value is there for you in this endeavor?

Whether we realize it or not people treat us like vision we have of ourselves and I know that is an incredibly hard concept to grasp or perhaps you feel I should be shot but when it seems like your at the bottom and always having to look up at the world. Poor self image can give you inaccurate feelings about your ability to learn or accomplish things which then gives the false impression that you have nothing to offer in a conversation. If you in a group discussion the tendency is to sit with head down believing none of your idea’s would be worth offering or afraid they will be laughed at instead. Heaven help us if someone should laugh or ridicule our perspective because then is gives just reason to crawl even further into the dog house.  While in the dog house we are screaming inside that people should show respect and pay us complements and yes this sounds good but we have to slightly distinguish between our ego which is necessary and self worth.

Ego’s scream for attention, well not only scream but demand respect and doesn’t care about anyone else or their feelings. Ego’s are easily offended and will lash out at the hostile party. Well we can’t get people to like or want to hang around when this is out of proportion so where should the true value of self worth be recognized. It may not be by others when we look for it in a reflective sense but self esteem is the comfortable acceptance of ourselves in a non judgmental perspective. Some call it being comfortable in your own skin so throughout the day you feel calm inside. Now unless your an very enlightened being that can meditate for hours we all ride on this roller coaster of emotions but with time and lots of intelligent input the highs and lows are not so great and especially the lows so they are short in duration meaning a few hours and not days or weeks and the highs are more consistent.

Somehow we want the opportunity to feel good most of the time no matter what the situation. You hear of people who have one thing go wrong like a flat tire and their in the dumps for days feeling like nothing goes right for them. Man that’s a tough whole to dig out of but possible so in order to do so we just have to work on ourselves by changing the information we receive. There is a saying “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change” Change the information we receive and we will change how we see things.

Filed under: Self Esteem Relationships

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