A feeling of respect or self worth is one description of self esteem which in a perfect world is what we all strive towards. However for the many who struggle with the image there are a 1000 and 1 causes for low esteem.We have Negligence for those who grow up in surroundings void of affections with feeling of abandonment and insignificance which leans toward distrust and non social behavior.
Strong Criticism which reminds a person they are worthless and destroys self confidence so they tend to be more pessimistic and critical. Parents constantly directing a child towards their own unfulfilled dreams which leads to the children to being very unhappy and frustrated. Low esteem can come from business failure and which happens to many people but we are not taught well enough in schools and life that failure is the prelude to success however in our society we tend to look at failure as life ending.
Our physical appearance is most likely one of the biggest causes of low self esteem as our youth are constantly surrounded by images of perfection. Many people feel that as we have become a society of social watchers by the shows on TV which hi lite the latest movie stars and their perfect bodies. When self worth is confident view of ourselves such as dignity and high self regard which is a sound internal view point we have turned to compare our lives with those of the Rich & Famous whom we think have this perfect lifestyle. Little do we know of their insecurities of trying to be the perfect image all the time which leads to a plethora of addictions from prescription drugs to bot ox injections and endless plastic surgery and all in the pursuit of the great image.
Sad truth is many of the high profile people we feel inferior to have more struggles than we do which is a vicious circle and we let this affect our self image in a negative way so if we only knew the truth. If is very difficult for a young person to find a balance for self worth when looking down a magazine rack they are plastered with glossy images of the beautiful and looking through them about half of every mag is ads of some product or clothing promoting the concept that if you own this watch or drank this beverage your life would be so much better and you’d be more popular. This leads to a feeling of whatever you currently have is not good enough so here are more things to desire and we have a society of object attachment. Lets face it the rich and famous suffer from anorexia and all the things we do so is it right to idolize them or should we just give them respect for their achievements and focus on what can we do to make ourselves better.
The low self esteem issues begin who knows when in the average persons life. Perhaps a larger percentage from parents who may have been well meaning but very strict in their perception on how children should behave. Being the youngest of 6 children with 3 sisters and 2 brothers I perhaps was luckier in the amount of attention received and also able to observe my older siblings behavior to see what worked for them in rewards or punishment. Well lets face it back then there was no rewards but just punishment as we had no money other than basic needs such as food and clothing. Self worth was not even a concept in thinking in our house as discipline was of primary importance and really was not a bad thing either but as I grew older and understood my own weakness’s it has become important to give our children structure in the home with a mindset of helping them have a sound sense of self esteem and respect. Growing up my father was quite strict in many ways and yes I felt that it was not until my early 30′s that I finally built a solid foundation of self worth etc. but one thing was we were never demoralized with abusive language by being swore at and told terrible things.So does this mean all families who yell at their children have kids with lower than average image of themselves and those who treat their kids with love and kindness have kids who glow with bright and loving se;f images, well not really. The percentage is probably higher in the loud yelling families of less than great images but I’ve seen people from very kind parents that don’t have high self-admiration. Maybe many people are in this category and are not even aware of it so they just mosey through life trying not to be noticed or wanting to be and not sure how.
Now if you really suffer from negative thinking so whatever good happens you feel it’s undeserved then we have a ways to go in order to find some acceptance for our life. Low self esteem issues can be many things as shyness, inferiority complex, being bullied, low grades in school, lack of decision making, no planning for our life, no positive expectations. The last one is the kicker because if we have no positive expectations then we must have lots of negative ones instead. Other area’s of this are uneasiness, uncomfortableness, self-consciousness so we constantly feel like everything we do or say is being judged by others. Sad reality of this is most people don’t have to judge us because they are so wrapped up in their own thoughts just like us.
Inevitably in life, we will face disapproval or rejection from others. This can come from anywhere in our lives such as a family member, friend or co-worker and depending our our level of self worth we can hear with our ears and quietly reject it or we can take it as a crushing criticism thereby letting it control us. We can grow up in a negative parasitic environment that takes everything away from us or come from a normal respectful house hold and still struggle with poor view point and low self worth. So it’s not primarily our surroundings but our interpretation of what is happening around us that we perceive to be against us. Point is that as soon as something is said or goes against what we think is right from our emotional bubble it’s taken as a huge knock and becomes this terrible burden of depression. These experiences can be quite painful, because we all want to be liked and accepted. We all want to be supported and nurtured and loved by those around us. Being rejected or ridiculed by others (especially if it’s a frequent occurrence) can cause us to question our own self-worth and value as a person.
It seems that we always want to validate ourselves somehow by our external situation and yet all those negative feeling come from inside our mind. If we constantly look for others to say it’s ok and try to live on those complements then we are always seeking them but what if we learned to complement ourselves. No better medicine like a little self appreciation to make the world go around but in order to find value in ourselves we must first recognize it in others. By seeing great value in others by what they do or how they act will then soften the focus on our perceived situation. When you continue to find good in others you will find it in yourself.
When the thoughts you are thinking are negative in form then we tend to find more thoughts to match them and then situations to goes with those view points and downward from there. How many people go to doctors for medication because they cannot control their thoughts which are a continuing and maddening quagmire of garbage we see as ourselves. If we stay in this funk for a long time and some people become very good at it because they can stretch it out for decades and really begin to enjoy it as wall. Strikes me like you enjoy pain, not my cup of tea.
See to counter this you can be told to think positive thoughts.
Great – just what is a positive thought anyway.
I think that can be another article but not this one.
Since we are very habit forming creatures then the best solution for the short term is to do thing a little different each day, like sitting in another chair at home or on the couch. One things that is vital and we have moved away from it is reading and you may hate reading as I well know because someone close to me says the same thing. I will say with out a doubt that there is magic in the written word because it can transform our view point on so many things. Another simple technique is to go for a walk if your able and to look at things far away, this not only changes your environment but help you focus on other things. I can’t tell you the chemical changes it makes in your brain but it will help you feel better so just continue to do more of it.
