Waking up in the morning and you start picking yourself apart and finding faults.
Let’s face it teenage boys can get up and not brush their teeth, not comb their hair and have scuff (whiskers) on their face, go out and nobody says anything. It’s almost accepted as the norm and yet the girls at a very young age are conditioned whether it be from mom or the media that they have to start wearing makeup because if you don’t you’re not complete.
Today we are sold this false image of perfection from every corner store magazine rack of ritzy clothes and perfect bodies (photo shopped) and great skin and hair. Where everyone is always smiling and having the best time ever, or so they would make you believe. The falseness of all this is you would think that those people in the ads or on the covers don’t have any hang-ups and like is just a breeze. In this time of massive communication we are totally aware of what it’s like to be beautiful as nearly every household has internet or cell phones with browser capabilities so we can see these images and commercials but the downside is a woman is always sold – yes you look awesome but it’s not good enough yet. So here’s another magic pill or another makeup kit and maybe this will do the trick.
The sad part is we have thousands of women who get up and put makeup on every day of the week and I mean at least an hour a day devoted to adding eye liner and other stuff so the world won’t see them for their real self. How’s that for conditioning, have they been sold a bill of goods, and do you know why? Because it makes millions of dollars for the companies who make all this stuff.
It’s important to be clean and tidy if I make take a phrase from the 50ties but we don’t have to be perfect and you know what; those who are going to judge you, are going to do that very thing no matter what you do, so just be you.
Many times in life we struggle with our self worth because we don’t know what we want. Our thoughts go like the other person is better, they have more talent, they know more people, they have more friends, I can’t be like that and on and on. We sit is the grey stew of doubt because there isn’t anything to look forward to or nothing we really want in life. If these are your thoughts then that’s all you will see because the Law of Attraction gives you what you desire. Most people aren’t taught how to set goals or really reach for things because someone mentions hard work and determination and we go “whaaaat”!!! However all saying all that when we truly find something we want to do and perhaps somebody to support or encourage then we begin a life changing process. As this player is admitting defeat before they even play the other team he moved from the succees stage to the “I;ll try” but knowing it’s not going to his best effort. This coach does something amazing by putting on a blindfold and telling him to carry another player to the 50yard line while doing the crab crawl. The player who said he would give his best and a coach who wasn’t going to allow anything less has him crawl down the field while screaming in his ear. As he finishes and finally says to him enough the player (BRock) is exhausted lying on the ground and the coach says look where you are Brock , your in the end zone, you carried someone on your back the entire length of the field. So how far will you go because it’s not only about the finished line, it’s about what you become in the process.If you gain more self worth, more confidence then your a winner and you have already crossed the finish line.
What are you focused on when you don’t feel good?
We focus on whats not right in our life.
The vibration of a question and the vibration of the answer are two very different vibrations.
If you keep asking what’s wrong why don’t I feel right and if we keep asking the answer for this doesn’t arrive.
Sometimes just let it go and find things you like.
We feel something must be wrong with me and it’s the biggest flawed premise in the world. When finding things we like it takes the thoughts away from us to the beauty around.
Caroline speaks about the power of belief. Being legally blind from birth her parents decided not to tell her of this physical limitiation. At 17 while at the eye doctor with her younger sister she finally learns the truth. Listen to her story about taking lifes challenges in sighted world which she managed to excel in for another 10 years before finally admitting her limitations and then moving onto the next phase of her life. My question then is “Self Esteem not about Belief”?
In Caroline’s own words:
And I have learned, you know what, cars and motorbikes and elephants, that’s not freedom. Being absolutely true to yourself, is freedom. And I never needed eyes to see — never. I simply needed vision and belief. And if you truly believe — and I mean believe from the bottom of your heart — you can make change happen. And we need to make it happen, because every single one of us — woman, man, gay, straight, disabled, perfect, normal, whatever — everyone of us must be the very best of ourselves. I no longer want anybody to be invisible. We all have to be included. And stop with the labels, the limiting — losing of labels. Because we are not jam jars; we are extraordinary, different, wonderful people.
Richard St. John was on his way to the TED conference when a girl on the plane asked him, “What really leads to success?” Even though he had achieved some success, he couldn’t explain how he did it. So he spent the next ten years researching success and asking over 500 extraordinarily successful people in many fields what helped them succeed. After analyzing, sorting, and correlating millions of words of research, and building one of the most organized databases on the subject of success, he discovered The 8 Traits Successful People Have in Common and wrote the bestseller 8 To Be Great.
In his books and talks, he shares a wealth of wisdom from the world’s most successful people — knowledge that can help others succeed in their own way, whether it’s escaping poverty, building a business, raising a family, or changing the world.
“It’s so great. It’s such a boost of confidence. This book really gives you a lot of self-esteem about who you are, and that you really can be somebody.”
Thomas Fischer, Habitat for Humanity
If anyone of us can pick one or two of these traits and begin to work on them there is no doubt that we can begin to move forward with out lives. We often look for the magic pill to success but it can be disguised little things that become habits. People like to look at it from many angles and metaphors but when someone like Napolean Hill or say a Richard St. John do this kind of research and can bring it down to a handful of basic things then we had best close our mouths and start doing these same things. You can say all the stuff about not wanting to be successful like them or wanting that kind of responsibility etc. but you’d be missing the point, if it moves you from feeling bad to feeling really good about yourself then your successful. That’s the point.
Even though this video seems to be about Photoshop and all the wonders it can do what the message is really about is the false images we have become conditioned to chase. This becomes like early man climbing mountains to grasp at the moon. We are addicted to unrealistic enhanced photos of stars which in turn has people buying products. The bigger the star the higher the price point and turns to a greater addiction and disappointment. This is a never ending circle of consumerism trying to attain the impossible which leads to a feeling of never being good enough.
The media is well aware of the effect this has on consumers and milks it for everything they have to sell. These images of false perfection whittle away at teenagers self esteem as they begin to doubt their own bodies. Girls feeling their legs or too big or arms are flabby and hips oversized. Combine this with our massive nutritional damage done by fast food and processed stuff that is disguised as food and you have people who are heavier more out of shape than their parents. So through lots of advertising of god’s and goddess like figures and we have a recipe for dissaster.
As stated in the video we are out of control with our poor self image and trying to attain the impossible leads to more loss of control. Over 99 percent of the images in a given magazine are adjusted to present this beautiful person and when we happen to see them in an interview we don’t connect the dots of the magazine ads and this average attractive person sitting on a Oprah Winfrey show. Like Hello your being tricked so wake up!!!.
We may grow in a house hold that did not empower us in any way. The negativity was overwhelming and each day was a struggle to survive. Doing so may cripple you for a lifetime if you allow it but only if you give your past this power. We all have past history which we are to learn from and mover forward in life. Understanding and forgiving will not only empower you to become stronger and more loving but also to be able to give love and strength to others who do not have your strength. This is not the strength to over power but to over come and by gaining control of your life and where you project it to be will help to build bridges so others may fallow. By forgiving the past misdeeds of our upbringing and finding joy in stepping into a new light we bring radiance and influence of the same to those around us seeking a similar vibration. See not all will embrace it so go to they who seek it and from there we can pay if foreword by helping others. As we go through life we find some who have had the greatest struggles in building their own self esteem have the most to offer others in their need for support.
We give power to those who harmed us in the past and yes the scars can run deep and still be on our bodies but with help and love you have the choice to let go and be present here and now. What we all have is choices and by making them positive and loving it gives as great strengths that we did not know was present within us. Choose love and kindness because this is what will be mirrored to you in return.
A feeling of respect or self worth is one description of self esteem which in a perfect world is what we all strive towards. However for the many who struggle with the image there are a 1000 and 1 causes for low esteem.We have Negligence for those who grow up in surroundings void of affections with feeling of abandonment and insignificance which leans toward distrust and non social behavior.
Strong Criticism which reminds a person they are worthless and destroys self confidence so they tend to be more pessimistic and critical. Parents constantly directing a child towards their own unfulfilled dreams which leads to the children to being very unhappy and frustrated. Low esteem can come from business failure and which happens to many people but we are not taught well enough in schools and life that failure is the prelude to success however in our society we tend to look at failure as life ending.
Our physical appearance is most likely one of the biggest causes of low self esteem as our youth are constantly surrounded by images of perfection. Many people feel that as we have become a society of social watchers by the shows on TV which hi lite the latest movie stars and their perfect bodies. When self worth is confident view of ourselves such as dignity and high self regard which is a sound internal view point we have turned to compare our lives with those of the Rich & Famous whom we think have this perfect lifestyle. Little do we know of their insecurities of trying to be the perfect image all the time which leads to a plethora of addictions from prescription drugs to bot ox injections and endless plastic surgery and all in the pursuit of the great image.
Sad truth is many of the high profile people we feel inferior to have more struggles than we do which is a vicious circle and we let this affect our self image in a negative way so if we only knew the truth. If is very difficult for a young person to find a balance for self worth when looking down a magazine rack they are plastered with glossy images of the beautiful and looking through them about half of every mag is ads of some product or clothing promoting the concept that if you own this watch or drank this beverage your life would be so much better and you’d be more popular. This leads to a feeling of whatever you currently have is not good enough so here are more things to desire and we have a society of object attachment. Lets face it the rich and famous suffer from anorexia and all the things we do so is it right to idolize them or should we just give them respect for their achievements and focus on what can we do to make ourselves better.
Self Esteem is the essential building block of a successful life according to decades of psychological and educational theory. In many ways has become programed into the school system with the mindset that our children lacked so much of it the system has over compensated with a no failure strategy for students. This has led to an inflated self image or ego that refuses to accept a class room grading as they consider themselves a much higher level. So it isn’t just “A” students who have this attitude but “C AND D” students as well and this can carry into all area’s of their life causing a person to become locked into a line of thinking that whatever they do or say should be regarded as important.
So you have poorly performing students who don’t believe they are along with impaired drivers, school bullies and others who commit crimes and lash out at people and yet have a high self eteem and feel others should treat them accordingly. So we’ve gone from building self esteem to creating a monster. So where does this begin, at the home, at the school, at the church or in our community in general. There are some major obstacles when we have too much of a good thing and the word it Entitlement. We feel everyone around owes us something like respect which is earned by a long standing position or service but not given freely to the unknown. There is fine line of having a robust self-image and being able to absorb criticism while using this as a learning circumstance. Realizing we can’t all walk around with wonderful sense of self while our heads are bowed in humble acceptance because this world would be a very boring place. What also comes into all this is the amazing variety of personalities we humans are endeared with and show off every moment.
So we have a cache 22 with our level of self worth because for those that have more than enough can bring a lofty attitude which makes others around them contemptuous as well and for the meek and mild they never let people know their true worth due to the lack of contribution in conversation or decision making. So where is the medium for all this lack of potential and abundance of self image, perhaps it lies in the area of Respect.
The low self esteem issues begin who knows when in the average persons life. Perhaps a larger percentage from parents who may have been well meaning but very strict in their perception on how children should behave. Being the youngest of 6 children with 3 sisters and 2 brothers I perhaps was luckier in the amount of attention received and also able to observe my older siblings behavior to see what worked for them in rewards or punishment. Well lets face it back then there was no rewards but just punishment as we had no money other than basic needs such as food and clothing. Self worth was not even a concept in thinking in our house as discipline was of primary importance and really was not a bad thing either but as I grew older and understood my own weakness’s it has become important to give our children structure in the home with a mindset of helping them have a sound sense of self esteem and respect. Growing up my father was quite strict in many ways and yes I felt that it was not until my early 30′s that I finally built a solid foundation of self worth etc. but one thing was we were never demoralized with abusive language by being swore at and told terrible things.So does this mean all families who yell at their children have kids with lower than average image of themselves and those who treat their kids with love and kindness have kids who glow with bright and loving se;f images, well not really. The percentage is probably higher in the loud yelling families of less than great images but I’ve seen people from very kind parents that don’t have high self-admiration. Maybe many people are in this category and are not even aware of it so they just mosey through life trying not to be noticed or wanting to be and not sure how.
Now if you really suffer from negative thinking so whatever good happens you feel it’s undeserved then we have a ways to go in order to find some acceptance for our life. Low self esteem issues can be many things as shyness, inferiority complex, being bullied, low grades in school, lack of decision making, no planning for our life, no positive expectations. The last one is the kicker because if we have no positive expectations then we must have lots of negative ones instead. Other area’s of this are uneasiness, uncomfortableness, self-consciousness so we constantly feel like everything we do or say is being judged by others. Sad reality of this is most people don’t have to judge us because they are so wrapped up in their own thoughts just like us.
When we hear quotes like the Power of Positive Thinking we feel it’s supposed to spring you into action and change your life for the better. It’s like watching The Secret and learning about the Law of Attraction for the first time as they teach that you attract what you think about. Over hearing a conversation someone asked about this movie and the reply was it’s just about positive thinking. So is it about being optimistic and expecting good things to happen no matter what.
In the book Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill he writes that man must learn to control his thought thus by doing this he will gather great riches but for those who cannot will suffer at the hands of what the world will give him. Nothing will be harder than for those who yearn to control their own mind. Not saying this was exact quotes but the just of it is we are not taught in any school how to think or control our thoughts in any way. Let’s face it “Positive Thought” are like the statement “Get Over It” . These are bland mix of words like the color “Plaid” with no real meaning but just some form of expectation all to be better.
Perhaps we need to look at this like seeing the future for what we really desire it to be and having the thought process to expect it even if we have no idea how this will come about. For those who dream and see the invisible will have desire to firmly pursue these thoughts without any expectation of anything less.
So in my view point it comes down to how you think and not just what. After watching “The Secret” it bothered me for the longest time on their phrase of how you think. When we begin to understand that on an average day we have 60,000 thoughts course through our brain and most of them negative one begins to understand the complexity of this idea. So I guess it’s to observe our internal dialogue to see what is going on and direct those brain waves to a more pleasant environment of something we would like to see happen in the future.
No where in our schools of any area’s of education are we taught how to think or how to really feel good so we must find other sources of mental direction. We must learn to be like the positive thinker who sees the invisible which are unseen images of good things to come.
What makes you smile or laugh is important to remember because we need to find more things like that and continue to bring them into our lives. We don’t smile enough through the day even though it might be healthy and improve ones outlook. But the secret of smile quotes are the goods ones keep flashing in your mind and each time it brings a smile to your face. A good one will bring forth positive thoughts and pictures and those are good to keep remembering.
Andy Rooney
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Whether this from Quote of the Day or some book a smile is universal so find things that make you smile and more of these will show up in your life. Remember that energy flows where attention goes so by looking for things that lift you up you will find other images or situations that continue to do just that . When we think of images of joy then no one can resist a smiling baby because there is no intent behind it other than just being able to smile so we reciprocate in kind.
Look what a puppy does just by wagging his tail and falling over because we have no choice but to grin and scratch them for the simple act of being what they are, a dog. We shouldn’t have to look so hard for things to lift us but if a simple quote will do the task then we find them.
Do people with poor self images end up in poor relationships? Is your marriage or common life mate lifting you up or tearing you down?
What happens is we end up settling for what’s right in front of us figuring that’s all we’ll get and too afraid there is nothing else out there. We live in a fear based mentality so people often grasp at whatever they can especially in relationships. What we don’t want to dwell on is how many folks end up in violent relationships thinking they that’s all they deserve or because they’re afraid to be alone. The real kicker is no one likes to be by themselves or we get caught up in the media or TV crap thinking we have mental problems if were alone, my goodness what will other people think. So you scramble for a person to be with no matter what difficulties it brings or how bad we ultimately feel. We do this under the guise that it’s better than nothing but if it makes you feel bad then how could it be better.
Having low esteem is like your constantly trying to validate yourself in some fashion by having another person in your life. However they should uplift you or at least create a zone that makes you comfortable because nothing is worse if your constantly on edge by monitoring everything you say or even think. If you have ever watch “War of the Roses” with Kathleen Turner & Michael Douglas and how she is constantly criticized over everything she says it eventually turns into a battle. Many times in these situations it becomes a relationship of domination as one person leads continually and the other meekly follows. Ask yourself if none of your needs are being met what value is there for you in this endeavor?
Whether we realize it or not people treat us like vision we have of ourselves and I know that is an incredibly hard concept to grasp or perhaps you feel I should be shot but when it seems like your at the bottom and always having to look up at the world. Poor self image can give you inaccurate feelings about your ability to learn or accomplish things which then gives the false impression that you have nothing to offer in a conversation. If you in a group discussion the tendency is to sit with head down believing none of your idea’s would be worth offering or afraid they will be laughed at instead. Heaven help us if someone should laugh or ridicule our perspective because then is gives just reason to crawl even further into the dog house. While in the dog house we are screaming inside that people should show respect and pay us complements and yes this sounds good but we have to slightly distinguish between our ego which is necessary and self worth.
Ego’s scream for attention, well not only scream but demand respect and doesn’t care about anyone else or their feelings. Ego’s are easily offended and will lash out at the hostile party. Well we can’t get people to like or want to hang around when this is out of proportion so where should the true value of self worth be recognized. It may not be by others when we look for it in a reflective sense but self esteem is the comfortable acceptance of ourselves in a non judgmental perspective. Some call it being comfortable in your own skin so throughout the day you feel calm inside. Now unless your an very enlightened being that can meditate for hours we all ride on this roller coaster of emotions but with time and lots of intelligent input the highs and lows are not so great and especially the lows so they are short in duration meaning a few hours and not days or weeks and the highs are more consistent.
Somehow we want the opportunity to feel good most of the time no matter what the situation. You hear of people who have one thing go wrong like a flat tire and their in the dumps for days feeling like nothing goes right for them. Man that’s a tough whole to dig out of but possible so in order to do so we just have to work on ourselves by changing the information we receive. There is a saying “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change” Change the information we receive and we will change how we see things.
Inevitably in life, we will face disapproval or rejection from others. This can come from anywhere in our lives such as a family member, friend or co-worker and depending our our level of self worth we can hear with our ears and quietly reject it or we can take it as a crushing criticism thereby letting it control us. We can grow up in a negative parasitic environment that takes everything away from us or come from a normal respectful house hold and still struggle with poor view point and low self worth. So it’s not primarily our surroundings but our interpretation of what is happening around us that we perceive to be against us. Point is that as soon as something is said or goes against what we think is right from our emotional bubble it’s taken as a huge knock and becomes this terrible burden of depression. These experiences can be quite painful, because we all want to be liked and accepted. We all want to be supported and nurtured and loved by those around us. Being rejected or ridiculed by others (especially if it’s a frequent occurrence) can cause us to question our own self-worth and value as a person.
It seems that we always want to validate ourselves somehow by our external situation and yet all those negative feeling come from inside our mind. If we constantly look for others to say it’s ok and try to live on those complements then we are always seeking them but what if we learned to complement ourselves. No better medicine like a little self appreciation to make the world go around but in order to find value in ourselves we must first recognize it in others. By seeing great value in others by what they do or how they act will then soften the focus on our perceived situation. When you continue to find good in others you will find it in yourself.
When the thoughts you are thinking are negative in form then we tend to find more thoughts to match them and then situations to goes with those view points and downward from there. How many people go to doctors for medication because they cannot control their thoughts which are a continuing and maddening quagmire of garbage we see as ourselves. If we stay in this funk for a long time and some people become very good at it because they can stretch it out for decades and really begin to enjoy it as wall. Strikes me like you enjoy pain, not my cup of tea.
See to counter this you can be told to think positive thoughts.
Great – just what is a positive thought anyway.
I think that can be another article but not this one.
Since we are very habit forming creatures then the best solution for the short term is to do thing a little different each day, like sitting in another chair at home or on the couch. One things that is vital and we have moved away from it is reading and you may hate reading as I well know because someone close to me says the same thing. I will say with out a doubt that there is magic in the written word because it can transform our view point on so many things. Another simple technique is to go for a walk if your able and to look at things far away, this not only changes your environment but help you focus on other things. I can’t tell you the chemical changes it makes in your brain but it will help you feel better so just continue to do more of it.
When we struggle with our confidence it becomes a challenge to associate with people who have lots. It’s more common to find others who have low self esteem and share your misery with them hoping their story is worse that yours but that’s the last thing you should do. Miserable people don’t want to see others succeed so the longer you can keep each other in the pot the more likely you will stay there.
If you want to make changes in your life then change who you associate with and yes that sounds so easy but is it? In today’s world we have the access to thousands of Meet up Groups all over the world so by performing a search on the internet you can type in some keywords for things if interest. It can be very surprising to find a number of folks who might live within a 30 km radius that can have similar hobbies. Now it may not be a hobby you actually want but just learning to socialize with a variety of people will open doors for you to find some very confident people who can help you build your self worth.
This may sound like a twisted tale but the road to success in any endeavor whether it be more confidence or money or relationships is never in a straight line so don’t be afraid to find many different groups of people to talk with.
If you can spend each and everyday of your life with confident, uplifting people, you will be able to build your confidence. After all, their confidence will probably rub on to you!
Be willing to help out with some of these groups as they are always looking for support. Just a word to the wise by offering to help and that is try not to get roped into doing too much. You will have to use your best judgment for that but by offering your services it at least opens the door to further conversation and support. When we feel appreciated this can move us along the path to self esteem and a confident feeling.
As you become more known in some of these groups in can lead to more social contact which is what the main goal should be.
Many of these groups have other activities that may interest you so take part in them. You may wish to form an intention to find a successful person who can give you advice on how to be more confident as well. If your are a willing student they may be quite willing to support your personal growth. This does not mean they’re going to offer you some fantastic job at a great salary.
We don’t want to assume to much or seem like a leech so just be relaxed and honest and most important to all of this is be very grateful for each little success you may encounter while on this journey to a better you. One of the universal laws is the more gratitude you will express to world the more good things will come your way. So be grateful for the ride to confidence because you may be able to show that ride to someone else.
